


Inner City

by bellachanmustdie



Series: Danger Days [1]
Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-02 12:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4059796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellachanmustdie/pseuds/bellachanmustdie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First Part of the Danger Days Series.</p><p>"Because Killjoys never die."</p><p>Danger Days fanfiction that follows the lives of the Fabulous Killjoys three years after the Sing Music Video.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Everyone!
> 
> I've been reading MCR/Danger Days fanfics for days now and I love every single story that I came across here! And so, I can't help but to write my very own fanfic, which I hope that anyone who come across this story will be entertained. Comments are gladly and wholeheartedly appreciated, but please be kind to me! (this is my very first fan fiction). Additionally, English is not my first language. So, if you see any grammar or syntax errors, I humbly apologize.
> 
> The story happens exactly three years after the Killjoys "died" when they save "the Girl" from BL/ind. But we all know that Killjoys never die. This is a Danger Days fanfiction that follows the lives of the original Fabulous Killjoys three years after the Sing Music Video. 
> 
> I wrote a lot of stuff, themes and places in this story that are not really from the Danger Days universe (I just made them up). For example is Inner City which is the title of this story. I hope that wont confuse things up.
> 
> *DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction and I don't own My Chemical Romance or any characters from the Danger Days Universe.

It was like waking up for the very first time after sleeping for ages. But what was weird is when you know you are sleeping for such a long time, but you never have a single dream. Or maybe I do have a dream last night but I am stupid. And stupid people are supposed to forgot their dreams. But I am quickly taking back what I just said because I know I am not stupid. I believe I'm smart. And smart people are just too preoccupied with important stuff, like  _breathing_ _._ And dreaming is not actually important.

Actually, dreaming is not encouraged inside Battery City.

But I wonder what it feels like to dream. Do I dream before? And if I do,  _what was my dream_ _?_

So as I prepare my morning rituals which are only composed of bath and then coffee, I suddenly stopped on my tracks and glanced outside my windows ― the Inner City, which is located at the very center of Battery City with a radius of about 40 square miles, is the same like yesterday. The whole area is very quiet, peaceful and well, it is boring. Also, I can totally understand the idea of having a life that sucks. I am just a lowly worker at the Database, a huge 12-storey building located exactly at the middle of Inner City, which is very odd if you ask me. And all I do at my work is to receive all the files and documents coming from the logistics department which are about profiles of dead people who used to live in the Zones. Then I will just key in important details from each documents in my database. Better Living Industries’ armed unit ― S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W are working so hard to clean the Zones where rebels are forming gangs and who all seems to operate with one single mission: destroy Better Living Industries. In fact, I hate these gangs and rebels. They only wanted to ruin this blessed city.

And Inner City is the only place where one can live peacefully. Outside Inner City, which was still part of Battery City, seems to be in a constant war with rebels. Apparently, rebels always find their way inside Battery City. Actually, I don't know how they are able to manage to sneak in but I am just glad that the security here at Inner City is top notch.

I took a bath and drank my coffee. The coffee always tastes bitter and cold. I always forgot to drink my coffee actually and I don't know why. And actually,  _I hate coffee_. Coffee gives me sudden headaches. And headache messes up my brain. But I need to drink one in order to go through the day. Also, my sleeping pattern is normal – well it always has been. But I always wake up feeling restless, as if I haven't sleep at all. And that is very weird. I can’t help but ask myself what is the use of sleeping, then?

There's a small white clock in my bedside table. My jaw dropped when I saw the time.

"Oh no! I'm going to be late!"

I immediately got dressed – the usual crisp white long-sleeve polo and black pants which are BL/ind’s standard uniform. Then I grabbed my BL/ind identification card and quickly clipped it in the pocket of my polo. I noticed that the name  _Frank Anthony Iero_  is slightly smudging. I quickly wonder how long was I working at Database... And I wonder if I can have them replaced with something new, one where the print doesn't smudge. I mean BL Industries produces smudging IDs? Give me a break.

And yes, my brain is messed up, that is why I don't remember when was the exact date that I started working at BL Industries. And oh, I forgot to mention that I totally suck at details.

So one of the best thing working at Database is you are paid well, and Database is just a walking distance away from my place. I live in a high-rise, all-white apartment where I guess most of the occupants also work at Database. I know this for a fact since I always see my next door neighborhood at Database. But I hate that guy. He keeps on calling me Frankie.  _No one calls me Frankie._

Luckily, I arrived just in time. And I can't help but grin and I’m about to pat my back when I saw a ruler-high of papers at my table. My eyebrows starts to frown.

And there he was, the man from the logistics department. This guy is the source of my misery.

"Good morning, Frank!" he beamed, grinning back at me.

"Seeing you at this very early, I don’t think there's good this morning, Ray."

Raymond Toro is the type of person always stands out in the crowd, thanks to his great hair. I like his hair actually, mine is boring.

I sank on my very comfortable chair, feeling overwhelmed with all the weight of the paper works I have to do today. Ray just grabbed one of the empty chairs across the room and dragged it beside my table.

"Oh man, I'm  _really_  sorry!" Ray is not looking unapologetically at all in my opinion. He actually looks like he’s having fun seeing me suffer. His face says it all. No brainer, even though my brain keeps on messing me up. And I also have a slight urge to punch him right in his face.

Ray surveyed my desk and then looked at me, "I mean, there's a huge development at Zone 18 and a lot of rebels are killed in the process, thanks to the wonderfully crafted plan by the S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W unit. And so there are a lot of profiles to be processed by those who are in the field. And man, I'm really sorry your job sucks." Ray quickly glanced at the table at the farthest right of me; a thin man wearing spectacles was already engrossed in his work. We actually do the same thing, which kind of make me sick because how come he's already working? Then Ray whispered, "And I also gave Way the same height as yours, so don't feel bad, OK?"

"Nnnggrrhhh."

Ray left after a few minutes. He didn't even return the chair he pulled from the corner. He said he will be back with more documents later this afternoon, or tomorrow, depending on how quick the field guys are in identifying the names of the rebel and Zone Rat corpses. Ray also mentioned that the paper works he gave me is just 1/10th, or 1/15th. He's not exactly sure.

Honestly though, I'm actually envious of Ray's work. He can go outside of Battery City and he’s able to work closely with the field guys. I haven't been outside of Battery City. Ray told me that it was all sands and ruins. He said that in a manner which is not enticing at all, like it was similar to hell, or whatever.  _But I don't give a fuck whatever Ray says_. I wanted to see the Zones. And the only chance I get to see the Zones is when it’s rebel-free and Better Living Industries are working to make it a better place.

But my job is easy, and safe. Unlike Ray's who’s always with the Dracs because they act as the logistics immediate guards just in case a gang of rebels ambush them. Ray said he never experienced any ambush yet, and getting ambush is not part of his plan.

So each document that the field guys give to Database contains about 6-10 papers which are carefully stapled. And each document holds basic information like name, age, sex, plus other reference notes and pictures. The documents sometimes include the photo of their demise, which doesn't bother me at all.

Sometimes I think why I don't feel anything when I saw these bloody pictures. Something in my guts says that I should feel sad. But seriously, why should I feel sad? They are evil, right? And evil people deserve this kind of shit.

Hours passed and I noticed that I'm already halfway through the ruler-high documents that Ray gave to me. I craved for a smoke break, and I accidentally glanced to my right side, where Way is working.

And it’s very weird because Way is looking intently back at me, like he has some kind of an X-ray vision or something. He quickly withdraws his glance away, but I know I won't let that slip away.

Now it is official. Michael James Way is weird.

This guy doesn't freak out the hell inside of me. Actually I feel sad for him. And yes, this is just the right moment for a normal person to feel sad and not because one saw horrifying pictures of dead people. But I find it very weird that I feel sad for him. Way always looks so sad and he rarely even talks. He is like a kid where one member of his family dies every day. Actually, I don't remember who among us started to work first at Database. I know I cannot trust my brain fully. Some of my memories are blurred.

I walked towards Way's table. He resumed his work like nothing happened. Shit.

"Hey."

Way seems to be under the impression that I am a ghost or that I don’t exists.

"Hey! What are you doing,  _Way_?"

Well, of course I know the answer to my stupid answer. But I really don't know how to strike a conversation with a guy who seems to mourn all the time.

"Why, Iero? Is there something wrong?"

His answer freaked me out a little bit. He has a small voice, and muttered those words without even looking at me. He started the staring contest, and now he refused to look at me again.

But I am not in the mood to throw some shit to him. Looking at him just makes my heart break.

"Well, I believe you are ogling me right, Way?" I think my choice of words is very poor.

Way's response surprised me. He just giggled.

"Seriously, Iero?" Way is now looking at me, but I think he is just looking straight at my nose. He still refuses to make any eye contact. "What makes you think I was ogling you? I was just looking at the amount of paper works you're doing."

"Oh really? Well then… Keep it up..." I gave him a quick pat in his shoulder and decided to just end this very awkward conversation which I know I’m the one responsible and just headed outside. I went straight to the smoking lounge area and pulled one stick from the cigarette pack I was keeping from in my pockets.

**-**

Talking to Michael James Way is weird. Actually, Way is weird.

But what is weird is I feel sad whenever I see him.

Recently though, I think I’m becoming overly sensitive towards the people around me. I always see Way looking at me that way before, but I never really wonder why he is acting that way. I know it is weird to have feelings like that because Battery City is perfect. And perfection means you just don't feel anything that is shit. In fact, Inner City is way better than Battery City. People here are supposed to feel good,  _all the time_. Didn't I mention this place is like heaven?

And it was also weird because I really don't know the concept of heaven. But all I know is heaven is a good place. I just don't know who or where I grabbed the idea about it. But seriously, I want to go there too if ever that exists, just so I can compare Inner City to it.

Then the image of Way registered again inside my head. I have a weird feeling I know this lad before. Before I even started working at Database.


	2. Chapter 2

It was actually nice to see Raymond Toro at least twice a week here at Database. I can tolerate that, and yes I am being sarcastic. But seeing him almost every day is just insane.

Ray is the deliverer of my torments and pain, and that is no exaggeration. It’s crazy because of the amount of paper works delivered this week here at Database is unbelievable. I never had seen such pile of documents before in my life.

"It's like a whole Zone iwas pounded to the ground, Ray," I sighed depressingly. I looked at Ray and then back to the pile of documents in my table. Ray surveyed the room and looked back at me, raising an eyebrow.

" _Actually_  a Zone was completely destroyed this week, Frank."

I can’t help but gaped at Ray. I feel my jaw literally just dropped to the floor. "You're not joking, right? I can't believe I was so preoccupied with all these work that it didn't hit me that all these profiles came from only one Zone!" I looked at the papers scattered in my table and I just noticed that  **Zone 18**  was actually written at the top right of almost all the documents. And it was typed in bright red ink and bold letters. How in the world did I miss that?

Ugh. Okay. I already know the answer. My brain is not properly working, or I am just stupid.

But I decided not to call myself stupid again. Calling yourself stupid is well,  _stupid_. I decided to shift my blame towards my brain.

I looked at Ray. He's got the looks like he's enjoying his work. Hell, I hate that. I shrugged and suddenly added, "Hmmm… Wasn't Zone 18 located at the farthest North outside of Battery City?"

So there are actually twenty-two Zones that circles around Battery City. Zones 6-9, 11-14 and 16 are all already under BL/ind’s management. And now Zone 18 just fell this week.

"Yes. I was there this week,” Ray says, shrugging. “And the whole area was destroyed. Actually, the rebels don't even stand a chance at all. I heard that around 5% of all the Dracs that were sent there were killed in the process, which is amazing."

I raised my eyebrows at him. Amazing is not the correct word to use when describing death.

Ray immediately noticed my reaction and he quickly clears things up and explained. "Well, I mean, it was not good that they died, Frank. But statistically, that number is pretty awesome. I heard there's a new brain in the Strategy Group of BL/ind. I haven't met him though, but some Dracs that I got to hang out with say that he’s very smart and very knowledgeable about the Zones and he can create complex strategic plans on how to defeat the rebels. I think he might be the answer to end this war. I mean, if Better Living Industries finally control all the 22 Zones, then we can finally have peace."

Well, what Ray say is true. I cannot wait for BL Industries to finally control all the Zones, so I can finally live in peace. But living in Inner City is actually the best thing one can achieve in this time of war. It was very peaceful compare to Battery City where some rebel gangs always try every single day to infiltrate and destroy it. But they always fail. They don't stand a chance against the mighty Better Living Industries.

Ray just grabbed my half-finished cold coffee and drank the rest of it. I didn't found the voice to stop him.

"Ugh, this is nasty," Ray said and his lips twitches. I couldn't blame him. My coffee always tastes bad. "So anyway, I was dating a new girl. She's also from here at Inner City and she’s working at the Social Order." I found myself imagining Ray in a white tuxedo beside a faceless girl. It was both beautiful and odd at the same time. "You know, I really cannot wait for all the Zones to fall down and I hope that it will happen soon. Because I'm seriously thinking about becoming a married man, having a family, living peacefully  _here_ _…_ "

I can't help but to snort. Ray looked at me like I said something wrong. "What about you, Frank? Found someone?"

I was trying to make myself busy, well at least to Ray's eyes. So I grabbed some documents and pretending to read them, where in fact I was just counting all the letter  _a_. And having conversation about the future is actually odd. I didn't know when the last time that I think about my future was. And here is Ray talking about becoming a married man.

_Was thinking about the future even allowed at Battery City?_

"Hmm… I want to ask our receptionist out. I'm interested in her." I looked at Ray who seems to be enjoying our little chat. I noticed his hair caught some dust, or pebble, I'm not really sure. Then I added, "You know, the red-headed girl? It’s very weird but I have an attraction to people with red hair."

Actually it’s bright red hair, not just red. Red is boring. Bright red hair is not. But I didn't mentioned this to Ray anymore because never in my life did I saw someone with this kind of hair color and I doubt that he knows anyone with this kind of hair color here in Inner City. And I really cannot understand  _why bright red hair_ _._ Maybe I should train my brain to like bright blue or acid green next time.

**-**

I went home late that evening. It was a cold Sunday night. I often wonder why we are forced to work almost every day without a break because it doesn't make any sense. Maybe that is just how BL Industries operates. It is not that Database is very strict because we can leave early if we want to. But my brain somewhat says that I should work in this very specific time frame from 9am to 7pm. Next time, if my brain doesn't mess up with me, I will try to go home at 10 in the morning. Just for a change.

I lie silently in my bed and think about stuff that doesn't make sense in my life. I know my brain is messed up, but I really don't care. It doesn't bother me that my brain works this way. What is important to me is I have a good-paying job even though it sucks and I live peacefully here at Inner City. I believe that throughout the time that I'm working at Database I know I was able to save a lot of carbons. But I really don't know what to do with all of it. We are given salaries, but I cannot understand the idea why we are provided with it. Now you know that it really sucks to have a brain like mine.

But I love living at Inner City and meeting people like Ray is nice. But I know he is not my friend, but his presence gives my life variety. Because honestly, I don’t know what friend actually means.

I also noticed recently that I have a scar above in my chest. It was like a scar made by a laser beam, but I am not actually sure. And I honestly cannot remember when I got this. Sometimes I wonder if this is a birthmark.

_And hey, when and where in the world was I born?_

It is sometimes annoying to have a brain like mine. There are times that I question things, for example is my scar. But most of the time, I will just resign and forgot about it. I thought that it doesn't matter, as long as I am living in peace, and have a job, although it sucks.

**-**

It took me month to finish all the documents that was assigned to me. Actually, if I compute it right, it took Database 8 months to complete the profiling of Zone 18, as the work was divided into 8 people, including me and Way's.

I share the floor with Way and our working station is not large compare to other departments of BL Industries but I believe our floor can accommodate at least 20 people. But since the boxes of paper works occupy almost half of the office, I believe our office is made that way – to let only 2 people work inside.

Sorting and keeping the profiles away took only a week. And after that it was back to normal. And I can't help but to smile.

"Wow, profiling Zone 18 was intense right, Michael?" I stretched my legs in my table. It was the very first time in months that I saw my table paper-free, only the computer monitor is looking back at me.

Way just stayed quiet and treated me like I don’t exist which is not new and doesn't surprise me at all. He is a quiet lad and I get it. But if he stays that way, I don't think that it will benefit him in the long run. Then I remember our receptionist. I wonder if I can ask Gina out tonight.

The whole afternoon was a complete waste of precious time. I thought I just miss doing the paper works, which is crazy. At the back of my head, my little brain is telling me that working sucks.

So I did absolutely nothing that afternoon. Way, on the other hand is playing with a Rubik's Cube which he have no success of solving at all. It was actually fun seeing Way annoyed over a toy. It felt weird because I am not sure if it was the first time I saw Way annoyed. Because I felt that it happened  _before_.

I went home early and spent the night at bed, looking at the ceiling. And I forgot to ask Gina out.


	3. Chapter 3

_So, what exactly is happiness?_

In just a very short span of three months, Zones 17, 19-22 fall into the hands of BL industries. Zones 1-5, 10 and 15 are the only ones that left. As far as I know, Zones 1-5 are very hard to conquer because it encompasses a greater area which is exactly thrice the size of Battery City when combined. And all kinds of shit are going on there – rebels are said to be powerful, hiding all kinds of bomb and stuff that are capable of blowing up Better Living Industries.

And profiling after the fall of the multiple Zones is very overwhelming, to be honest here. It drains my energy and I have to literally have to drag myself every night just to get home.

In the past, profiling rebels was just a piece of cake for me, well because I only need to profile 5-10 rebels every day. But now, the logistics just decided to drop documents to Database from time to time, let's say, every 10 minutes.

Additionally, I couldn't concentrate and quite perplexed by the fact that the BL/ind’s armed unit just pounded multiple Zones in a very short time. How in the world did that happened? I was bombarded with questions such as if they have better guns or tools. Or if rebels are just plainly incompetent nowadays that just seeing a Drac makes them drop dead.

Deep inside, I feel I should feel good and happy – that Better Living Industries is finally advancing and it might only take them a few more months or maybe a year to completely own all the Zones.

 _But_   _I feel_   _this is not right. That it is not supposed to be this way,_ _which is crazy. And why am I feeling like this?_

"Hey! Iero!"

I didn't notice that I was spacing out again in front of my desk while holding a profile of a dead young girl who’s only 8 years old. Ray looked at me and he has some documents in his arms. I'm supposed to be surprised or annoyed because I have a new batch of paper works that I need to process, but I think I just gotten used to seeing Ray with documents all the time in our station.

"Hi! Anything new?"

I watched Ray as he carefully place the new documents down at the floor. Documents are slowly piling up, and it seems endless. Way was in his usual self, but he doesn’t seem bothered at all by the weight of our tasks. He seems oddly relax right now, reading one profile then entering data in his computer. On the other hand, here I am, too preoccupied with questions that my brain seems not interested to find out the answers.

Ray reached out the document I was holding, scanned it and bring it back to my hands. I thought I just saw Ray gave a pained look; maybe because he saw it was a profile of a young girl. "It was crazy, right?" Ray started, now his eyes looked its usual. He then added, "Three months and now seven zones are left."

"I know," I mumbled and it appears like Ray can read my mind. This guy must be a psychic. I shoved the young girl's profile document aside. "We've been working on all these profiles since last week and the documents just keep on piling up. I don't see when this will end, Ray."

"I heard they're planning to conquer Zones 10 and 15 as soon as possible." Ray quickly reported.

"Really? Ugh, thanks Ray for making my life even more miserable."

Ray laughed. "Well, it was not my fault. I'm just the delivery guy here. I guess S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W has just gotten strong. But I also heard that the Rebels are planning a huge attack at Battery City. And some people from the Intelligence Team say that some BL/ind departments at Battery City have been infiltrated by rebels. That’s the reason why it’s very chaotic there nowadays." Ray smiled. "I'm just very glad that my work mostly brings me here at Inner City. It’s very peaceful, like it is sheltered from the outside world.

"Well,  _it is sheltered_ , Ray." I corrected him.

Ray left after a few minutes and told me to be safe. His gesture came from the fact that Battery City is very chaotic now and the only thing that divides Inner City to Battery City is the  _Wall_.

It was my very first time to be aware that the only thing that keeps this place sheltered is this 25-foot high wall that divides Inner City and Battery City. The main gate stood at the eastern part of Inner City. And this is the only way one can go in and out. Additionally, dwellers from Battery City cannot just enter Inner City without proper documents and permits. BL/ind personnel can easily pass the gate, just like Ray since he’s part of the Logistics Department.

I wonder how in the world I ended up at Inner City. I actually never thought of that before. Maybe it was luck that brought me here.

**-**

I was successful in reducing the amount of documents scattered in our room into half in the span of 4 weeks. I haven't seen Ray for a very long time. Maybe he’s busy.

And it’s odd because I don't give a damn whether Ray will come or not at Database before. But now I’m actually hoping that I will see him so I can brag to him that it will only take me another 4 weeks to see my desk empty again.

So I saw Ray after another week. I let out a sigh of relief because he only brought me a letter from BL/ind which requests for a copy of all the data from Zone 18. I really don't want him to bring me another pile of documents to be processed. Now I wonder why I am still sane.

"So," Ray started, grinning. "It seems you're successful at reducing the amount of documents here!" I really wanted to give Ray a biggest smile because I made him noticed my success but I decided not to. And now I'm very convinced that his guy is a psychic.

Beaming, I said, "Well, my work is not actually hard, Ray. It was just tedious and repetitive. But thanks for taking notice!"

I saw Ray scanned the room. Maybe he was impressed on how efficient I work. Then I just noticed Way wasn’t in his station. Maybe he's on his cigarette break. Wait, does Way smoke? Or did he come to work at all? I didn't notice him at all.

Ray leaned over, his lips was very close to my ears. And it freaked me out a little bit.

"Please be careful, Frank. I heard that someone had infiltrated Inner City. And I heard from my source that their spy is working here at Database," he whispers and then I caught his eyes landed on Way’s table.

It was a no-brainer that Ray thinks Way is the spy.

"Where in the world did you get that?" I refused to believe that it was Way. There's no way that Way is a spy.

"Someone told me, but I cannot say who."

I looked at Ray to see for any signs if he’s only joking, but this time his face was already away from me. He craned his neck towards the door which is closed. He looked restless.

"Sorry, Ray. But I refused to believe you."

"Just… Please be careful, Frank. See you soon."

**-**

So Ray left the room almost immediately after he said goodbye. And I can’t but to be pissed off because it was very easy for him to make accusations because he is not the one that shares the same room with the man he believes is working with the rebels. He’s not the one who’ll live in a constant fear that someone might stab him while he is not paying attention. Then I imagined my own body, spread eagle at the middle of this room, blood coming out from me. And all the documents that are once white are now soaking in red, the information no longer readable.

It’s a known fact that I share the same room with Way for hours and this thought just made me so uneasy. I think I can’t look at Way the same way like before.

But wait! _Way_ , of all the people? That guy is stick-thin, cannot even kill a fly in my opinion. Maybe the fly will kill him first. I'm not really sure.

But then I know I cannot just doubt Ray. He's a very good guy who also happens to be the bringer of my misery. Way on the other hand is just another man at the office. And I never noticed him do anything that people will label him as suspicious. But it is just not in my nature to watch Way and make notes about his life. All I know is every time I caught myself glancing at Way's corner, I just see him always fixated at the documents in his table.

But what Ray just said concerns me immensely because it is a valid warning coming from someone working closely to the departments that handle the rebels. But deep inside me, my guts is telling me I shouldn’t worry. And this odd feeling that I always know Way even before I started to work at Database didn't left my mind at all.

**-**

The day ended just like what happened yesterday. The clock across the room strikes 6:45pm.

Way wasn’t in his table. I didn't notice if he came back at his desk earlier, or if he gone to work at all.


	4. Chapter 4

Way was at work the next day and he’s still a weird guy who also happens not to fancy talking to me at all. It was odd because last night while staring blankly at my ceiling as I lay in my bed, I can picture him being arrested. So I know that’s crazy but I thought that it might be a reason why he wasn’t at work yesterday. I know that it's stupid. And how come I didn't notice Way if he's at work yesterday or not? I honestly don't really know why there are a lot of moments in my life that I would realize that I am not paying attention to my surroundings – like what happened yesterday. This kind of realization always freaks me out.

I know there are blank time gaps that happen in my life. I will remember what time I wake up every morning. And it is also weird that I wake up the same time every morning. But when I'm at home every night and the only source of light is from the outside light posts, I will lie in my bed and look at my ceiling and just wait until my brain shut down.

And I will wake up every morning, at exactly 7:30 in the morning, feeling restless because I feel like I just shut my eyes a moment ago and then its morning already.

Then I will go to work. And the time spent there seems to quickly pass away, like my life just hit fast forward. And I was denied with any recollection if I did something different for that day. All I do was read papers and documents, stare at my monitor and key in information. The sound of my fingers hitting the keyboard is sometimes dramatic. It feels like I am making music. But it is not fluid. There's no rhythm. But the sound I make sometime saves me from completely dragging myself to insanity.

Conversations and sounds are the only things that keep me remember that I am still alive and breathing in this world. It reminds me that there are other people living inside this world too – people who might understand me and people who I can relate to.

Ray was the very first person to notice me. I think the best way to put this was he was the one who found me, if that even make sense. He walked right through the door of our work station, lugging papers and documents on his arms. I don't clearly remember when was the day he started talking to me, or when was the time that I finally noticed him.

But I am aware that Ray is a different case. I want to have conversations with Ray, no matter how small our talk was. And I don't care if it only takes a small fraction of my time at Database.

I longed for difference.

No matter how much I focus and concentrate to make me remember the different activities I possibly made while I am at work, I would suddenly feel my head throbbing in pain. And after this pain left my head, I would always find myself like I just enter a time warp which left me even more confused. Hours have already passed and I will feel defeated. Time is lost, again. And the cycle continues the next day.

I'm very convinced that there's something wrong in me. This conviction stirs me up inside, and I would often feel like I want to throw up. My gut tells me that I should remember things. But how am I supposed to help myself when it is my own system that messes my life?

This is the very reason why I keep on blaming my brain. This constant disturbance in my life is tiring to be honest – it sucks the life to whatever I might even have. When I feel defeated because I don't remember things, I would just resign and think that maybe this is just how life is supposed to be.

This is also the reason why I want to have relationship. The one I have with Ray, although I'm convinced he is not my friend, gives me a faint hope that someday I can explain myself to him and ask him for his opinion. Ask him if he also feel that there are time gaps in his life. And his answer might finally bring a light to all of this confusion and make the end of my tunnel brighter. Because at the end of the tunnel, I know I would find the answer. I just need to keep running.

I sunk to my chair and for that moment I quickly forgot that there are documents in my desk. I zoned out quite a lot, and when the world snatched my attention again, I found myself looking at Way.

I believe it is very normal for a person to notice changes within his surroundings. And for me to label myself normal, I should first take notice what other people do – what Way do when he is at work and timing is not essential here. I want to strike conversation with him the same way I talk to Ray, because I always feel that I know Way even before I started working here at Database. I want to know him and confirm if this is true. I want to know what makes him tick. I want to share a good laugh with him. And I don't want those time gaps happen to me anymore – although I feel it's impossible for now and I am quite convinced that it will not just stop suddenly. I want to make my time at Database worthwhile – that I will remember what I do every single fucking second.

Inside me, I feel that I should see events to fold at random, not because outside forces told me to notice Way. Not because Way initiated the conversation so I will notice him, just like last time when I caught him looking at me. Not also because Ray just accused Way as a rebel that made me pay more attention to him. Not those kinds of stuff. I want to notice him at random moment. There's something in randomness that is appealing to me. I feel it will make all the gears inside my brain to start working.

Both my eyes and gladly, my brain are currently focused on Way. I glanced to his area, and there he was – so silent, feeling oblivious to his surroundings.

Inside me, I refuse to believe that he's a rebel. I refuse to believe because I really don't want to be paranoid and that at any moment he might just kill me. I know for a fact that rebels are evil. And they will do anything to destroy Better Living Industries.

And I know I cannot just sit here and do nothing. Realization then hit me – I am working at Database, and all the information is just right under my fingertips.

It is very worth a shot to check Way's profile.

I need information. I need something that will make me understand him. I need to know if I am right – that he is not a rebel. And any information can save me from acting insane thinking that I might be sharing an office room with a guy that might take my life away. In an instant, I remember the picture of myself dead here in my office.

I know I don't want to die. That's why I am thankful I live at Inner City, because I am safe here. And every morning when I will wake up, I'm hopeful that it will be the day that the world will open and accept me. I also want to see the world outside Battery City. If Inner City will not give me the answers to why I’m like this, and why my brain seems broken, then maybe outside Battery City, I can find my own place.

I stole a glance twice at Way's table – he was still busy with his work as always. That guy knows how to stay busy. I looked at my monitor and entered Way’s name at the search box and added some filter to make sure that the Way that will appear in the results is the guy sitting across the room.

There it is:  _Way, Michael James._

I scanned through Way's profile and it only took me a few seconds to feel a flood of regret flow inside me. Why in the world did I decide to check Way's profile in the first place?

Way’s parents are dead. He also has a brother who was dead too. He don't have any relatives, is single and all the basic details like when he was born, etcetera.

So now I know why he is always sad and rarely talks. But it is disheartening to know that important people in his life had already left him alone. That's it - he is just _alone_ , that's why he just resigned to the world acting like he is just built to work at Database quietly until he died. And people who are alone are supposed to feel sad.

Wait. I'm also alone, right? Just like him.

So why am I alone again? I just said that people who are alone are supposed to be sad.

Now I wonder… Am I sad?

**-**

Instead of knowing Way more after I read his profile, it only made me realized more that I'm actually living a life similar to a jigsaw puzzle, with almost all the parts missing and nowhere to be found.

I am incomplete and yes, I’m also alone just like Way. And time keeps on betraying my life. I feel that I don't even deserve to create memories and experiences in life. Because as long as these time gaps keeps on happening in my life, and my brain keeps on just forgetting things, then I know I am incapable of understanding who I am.

Who is Frank Anthony Iero? All I know that it’s my name. But what is my life story? What is my past? How can I explain myself to other people if I don't know who I am to begin with?

There are a lot of questions running inside my head, but it all goes down to only two questions. Only two questions that if I finally know the answer might shed some light to help me know who I really am.

_Why am I at Inner City to begin with? And how in the world I got myself to work at Database?_

I woke up every morning, I go to work, and then I go home. I spend my nights thinking about things until my brain finally give up. I am caught in this cruel cycle, and I don't know how I can escape.

There's something inside me that tells me this is not how life is supposed to be.

**-**

Hate is such a strong word. But lately, I started to believe that I really hate myself now.

As days go by, the feeling of being incomplete stirs me up inside and I hate every single thing about it. Slowly, I can feel myself starting to think more about my limitations which only leads to more questions.

But I'm starting to grow tired thinking about time. I often wondered how many hours and days I have wasted. Those time where I should be making encounters with other people and those encounters turn into a brand new story which will be part of my memories.

Tonight I found myself sitting in a chair beside my bed. Everything in this room is painted white and I don't know why. My bed, table, chair, doors... everything is white. The way I positioned myself comfortably in the chair makes me see the outside through the window and I can clearly see my own reflection. Looking at my own image, I ran my fingers on my head, rubbed my neck and then something caught my attention. I still maintain my gazed in my own reflection, but my eyes quickly shifted on this mark that peaked through my shirt's neckline.

I lifted my shirt off and threw it on my bed. I walked towards the window and I can see the scar in my chest, this time it is seem to be more conspicuous than before.

Still looking at my reflection in the window, I traced my scar using my right hand. Suddenly, I noticed that I am no longer looking at my own reflection, but rather I'm looking at a different image but still bear my face.

He’s wearing a yellow shirt with some kind of black-striped accents as design. He’s also casually wears a military vest over his shirt. And apart from wearing such a ridiculous outfit, I also noticed that he's wearing a leather gun holster in his side and inside it was a green ray gun.

Then the man bearing my face just winked back at me. And within split second, the man was gone and was replaced by my own reflection.

" _Shit._ "


	5. Chapter 5

_I don't actually remember how I suddenly got caught in this very odd situation._

So it was one cloudy and gloomy morning here in Inner City when I found myself suddenly being escorted by two Dracs outside Database. I didn't complain at all because I think my voice got lost in the process. But I think that is perfectly fine because I feel there's a need for me to contain all my thoughts to myself and just stay quiet. Seeing a different image of me from last night is a huge factor for staying silent. I need to know who that guy was, and if it is me, then why do I look so weird? And seriously, I don't plan to tell a single soul about that incident.

But I know I cannot just stay quiet all the time because I fear they might think that I'm hiding something. Additionally, there is just no way that I'm just going to give whoever summoned me a silent treatment. That is not my thing – that's Way's thing. Also, I'm trying to keep myself cool and calm here. Given the fact that the Dracs didn't put handcuffs on me, or even use any pressure or force, I believe there's no way this invitation will cost me a trip behind bars. They just said that I need to come with them, and so I politely follow them without saying a single word.

But I will be lying if I say that I’m not afraid at all. All throughout the time I was with the Dracs inside the usual BL Industries white closed van, a lot of things are going on inside my head. It also doesn't help that whenever I saw my reflection in the window I will see a different image of myself ― the one that I saw from that night. Moreover, it doesn't even helps that I'm very bad at time. I'm not sure if we've been on the road around Inner City for fifteen minutes or an hour…

After  _some_  time, we arrived at this very large storage-like building somewhere in Battery City. I'm not aware that this road trip just brought me outside of Inner City. I think we never pass through the Gate. I might be wrong though, since I zone out most of the time. Zoning out should be illegal, but my brain said otherwise.

Once I was inside the building, the very first thing I noticed is that everything is white. There are several doors with Dracs standing outside. My wild guess is they are guarding whoever was inside the door. But I don't have time to worry what's going on in each room. I'm more concerned why I am here.

Then the Dracs brought me into the room located at the farthest left. Once inside, I feel like I'm going to be blind. The whole area is painfully white, even the floor! Then there's a table in the middle with two chairs, which are also white.

So even without invitation, I just found myself already sitting down in one of the chairs. I look behind me and the Dracs just left me alone inside. Then the thought that I keep on shrugging off earlier demand to be recognize at this very moment. It hit me like a bullet fired behind my head – was I being detained?

But before I even entertained this scary thought, someone entered the room.

"Good day, Mr. Frank Anthony Iero."

Within seconds, I stood up and extended my right hand. So the guy is wearing a long gray jacket with some silly frilly designs. I gazed into his eyes for a moment and he looked back at me sharply like he's about to break my neck at any moment. His cold eyes sent shivered down my spine that I quickly turn my eyes away from him. It also took me a few moments before I found my voice back and greeted him.

"Uh… Good day to you as well, Sir…?"

"Korse."

So Korse must be the one who summoned me here. The name is scary, and I wonder from what department he is from.

And oh, Korse refused my hand shake.

The man quickly took the other chair and sat facing me. I also sank back to the chair I was sitting earlier. I really have no idea who this man might be. He really looked scary and so serious.

Korse first surveyed the whole room like he is looking for something and then looked back at me after.

"So, do you know who I am, Mr. Iero?"

"No, Sir." I said truthfully.

Korse gave a smirk and then sighed heavily. It appears like I gave him the wrong answer.

Korse extended his arms towards me. Apparently, I didn't notice the whole time that he is holding a brown folder. I was too busy extending my own hand asking for a handshake that was never returned by him just a few moments ago.

"Please check the profile."

I took the folder from Korse's hand. I flipped the folder open and it was Raymond Toro's profile.

I blinked. "This is Ray's profile.”

"Correct, Mr. Iero. So do you know him?"

I nodded, "Yes."

"Can you please explain how you know Toro?"

I looked at Korse's eyes and this time he is looking back at me, giving me the same very bad feelings moments ago like he's going to attack me anytime soon. But all I need to do is to be truthful to him because seriously, I really don't have any reasons why I should lie to him.

"Ray is from the logistics, and he's the guy who always brings us the profiles coming from the field. That is how I come to know Ray."

"I see," Korse said flatly. He quickly plucked Ray's profile from my hand. Well, I don't intend to keep Ray's profile a souvenir. I really don't see why Korse have to grab it that rudely from me.

Then I just realize that only dead people should have profiles.

"Sir?"

Korse looked at me.

"Is… Is Ray d-dead?"

Korse clicked his tongue and nodded. "Yes, he is dead."

"But how did he die?" I quickly shot back. Ray is already dead? So that's the reason why I haven't seen him recently.

I continued to make eye contact with Korse, but now he is not entertaining my gaze. There was a complete silence inside the room seconds after I asked him how Ray dies. And the silence continued on and I think it's already a minute, but I'm not sure because I sucks in time. This silence is deafening. My room is quiet, but not like this place that gives an awful silence.

Korse cleared his throat and look back at me. "This guy is a rebel. He died trapped inside a small apartment outside Zone 2."

"Wait, what?… Ray’s a rebel? And killed inside an apartment?"

He continued, "The apartment was on fire. And all that remains was a heavily burned body of a man inside it."

I suddenly shrugged and quickly commented, "Well, that's too bad. But I guess he deserves it. After all, he is a rebel. And wow, I can’t believe that he’s a rebel…" I mouthed each word softly, but I felt that it wasn't me that is speaking. And within seconds, I instantly regretted saying that to Korse at all.

Because Ray is not just a rebel, he also happens to be someone I know. I remember that I made plans to talk to him more, ask him about his date with the girl from Social Order, about his plans for the future.

But this is all impossible now. Ray is dead.

Then I looked back at Korse who’s now smiling. "I like your tone, Mr. Iero," he commented, his lips curling at the corner of his mouth and he appeared to be satisfied to what he just heard.

"So I was summoned here because of Ray, Sir?" I asked politely.

Korse nodded.

"Oh."

Korse continued on with the story. "Apparently, Better Living Industries just made a mistake by employing a rebel who was capable of moving freely in and out the Inner City," Korse pointed out, his face now appears as hard as a stone. "This is a huge lapse on our part, but as I reviewed his tasks," he flips the paper inside the folder, "Toro only appears to be a messenger to Database, especially at  _your floor_. So I want you to tell me all the details and scope of your work, and tell me any conversation you have with Toro."

I started to rack my brain almost immediately. Because honestly, what Korse is asking me to do is very difficult. My brain is all messed up, and here he was trying to ask me all my encounters with Ray. I cannot even remember when the last time I smoke a cigarette was.

"Did you hear what I just said, Mr. Iero?" Korse asked sharply.

I blinked and felt like there's a lump stuck in my throat. But I managed to find my voice and tell, "Uh… Most of my work at Database is to key in all the information from the profiles delivered to us mainly by the logistics where Toro was working. And about him, I’m actually bad at details and I don't remember most of the conversations I have with him. But I do remember him telling me once that he is excited for the Zones to finally fall down. And putting that into consideration here, it doesn't make any sense at all because you just told me Sir, that he is rebel. So he’s a rebel who's excited for Zones to fall down? Also, I remember him telling me that there are spies inside Battery City and also in the Inner City. And he also told me to be careful."

Korse is taking notes using Ray's profile. After a few pen strokes, he looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed. "That's peculiar, Iero. Why would Toro told you to be careful?"

I shrugged again. "I’m sorry Sir, but even I don’t have an idea why he told me that. It doesn't make any sense..."

"It seems like he is protecting you. What is your exact relationship with Toro?"

"I… I don't know. But he’s definitely not a friend or what... "

"I see."

Korse started to scribble again in Ray's profile. "So this Toro guy appears to know some information and then relaying them to you, Iero. Why does he tell you such information? Unless you would admit to us that you are a rebel, just like Toro."

"No! No, Sir. I am not." I protested almost immediately. I quickly explained, trying to stay calm, although I'm already panicking. "So Ray seems to be a guy who knows people where he got information, uhm, gossips probably, about what's happening at Battery City. I thought the reason why he knows a lot was because he is in the logistics department and he's able to interact with different people who knows stuff inside and out of Battery City. And Ray is very talkative, maybe you can label that as friendly, that's why people are relaying too much information to him. Then it happens that he was the guy who delivers documents to our office, so it makes me a receiving end of his stories. But all the time I was under the impression that the information he tells me aren’t confidential, so I just didn't pay attention to it at all."

"Hmmm… You actually have a point, Iero." Korse tells, stroking his chin. "The information that Toro told you are not classified confidential indeed. Most people who work at Better Living Industries are also aware that there might be spies among us. But it is really odd that Ray tells you to be careful. Not that you appears to be an important person to be a target."

I don't know if I should be pissed off when Korse said that I am not an important person. I suddenly feel like my existence doesn't contribute to make this society a better place. But Korse does have a point. I am not a VIP. I'm just a lowly worker at Database who also happens to have a messed up brain.

"I… I really don't know why, Sir. I don't have any idea. I’m sorry."

Korse stood up and started walking towards the door. He looked back at me and tells, "That's all for now, Iero. I believe I have gathered enough information. Wait here for a moment though. Someone from the medical team is scheduled to meet you as well."

Korse left almost immediately after he said those words. I stayed glued on my chair and took a deep breath. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. The way Korse throw questions at me really demands to be answered, or else it might cost me my life.

I feel bad for Ray and never in my wildest thought that he might be a rebel. He doesn't give me a vibe that he is one of them. So all the stuff he told me about being excited for all the Zones to fall down into the hands of BL Industries, settling and retiring inside Inner City, and Michael Way being a rebel are lies?

It makes sense though that he accused Michael of being a rebel. He is trying to deflect any suspicion to other people so no one will think he is the rebel.

I don't know how many minutes have passed when a female wearing a white laboratory coat entered the room. He has blonde locks and her eyes are blue.

I stood up and extended my hand for a hand shake. Good thing she doesn't refuse it, unlike Korse.

"Hi Mr. Frank Anthony Iero,” she greeted immediately. “So my name’s Pam, one of the doctors under BL/ind’s medical team and I'm here to ask you some questions. But generally all the questions will be just about your health."

So Dr. Pam is very pretty and I like the way her nose crinkles when she speaks.

"Oh, all right."

Dr. Pam sat in the opposite chair - the same chair that Korse was sitting earlier. She opened the folder and surveyed whatever was inside it. And I have a strong feeling that it was my medical record.

But how come I have a medical record? I don't even remember going to any hospital at all...

Dr. Pam cleared her throat. "I'm just going to ask you the basics… So do you feel fine? Not feeling sick, whatsoever?"

I shook my head. "Umm… No Ma'am. I don't feel there's something wrong. I don't feel sick at all."

"I see." Dr. Pam is tapping the folder she brought with her pen. "No headaches?"

"No Ma'am." I lied. I always experience headaches whenever I think too much about myself.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Ma'am." I quickly shot back.

"Do you feel any sudden changes in the past few days? Weeks perhaps?"

I don't understand her question. "What do you mean changes?"

"Oh. Let me rephrase that. In the past few days, or maybe even weeks, do you feel something is changing inside you, like you became more aware of the things about yourself and in your surroundings?"

Her question makes sense because I'm very positive that I'm slowly becoming aware about a lot of things especially the annoying time gaps. But the way Dr. Pam asks me that, I felt she's knows me very well or she's a psychic just like Ray. I think I'm going to be sick and throw up if Dr. Pam knows that information. And my gut tells me that she is hiding something for me. I'm beginning to fight the urge to snatch the folder she's holding.

But I know I cannot just grab that folder off from her. That is not a good thing to do, and I don't have any plans spending time behind bars, although I am not so sure if doing such act deserves a person a trip to jail. So I keep it cool and just hope this will be over soon. And I don't have any plans throwing any question to her. That will make her more curious about me.

All I know is I need to figure out things all by myself.

"I really don't understand your question, Dr. Pam. Sorry." I lied again.

"Oh,  _good_."

'What the fuck does she mean  _good_?' I said to myself.

Dr. Pam started to scribble something inside the folder. After a few seconds, she looked back at me and shot, "Are you really sure you're not feeling any pain in the recent days, no migraine?"

"Yes." Ugh. Why does she keep on repeating that question?

"Well, I just want to be sure, Mr. Iero because we don't want our BL/ind employees to feel sick. Additionally, you've been exposed to a rebel, someone who might be feeding you with information that might mess up with your thought process. Rebels are evil and they can do unimaginable things like brainwashing just to mess up with you and eventually use you to destroy this place. But it seems you're fine, Mr. Iero. But we will give you a prescription drug to calm your senses and for you to stop thinking about whatever Mr. Toro might said to you. The Exter… I mean Korse informed me that Ray seems to be interested in you and told you about stuff like you must be careful. But you know Mr. Iero that you are safe here, right? Inner City is the safest city in the world and no one will harm you."

All I can do was to nod to everything Dr. Pam said. Dr. Pam stood up and tells, "I will be back. I just need get your medication. Please just stay here for a momemt."

I let out a huge sigh and melted to the chair I'm sitting. The information Dr. Pam said is too much that I couldn't even follow.

BL Industries seem to care too much about their employees.


	6. Chapter 6

I was escorted back to my apartment building after the long interrogation with Korse and a quick medical consultation with Dr. Pam. They instructed me that I don’t have to head back to Database and suggested that I could just take a day off and have some rest.

Dr. Pam gave me two white bottles of prescription medicine, each filled with 60 tablets. She told me that I need to take 2 tablets per day and that it will clear my senses and calm my anxieties which might be related to the incident I had with Ray. But my gut tells me I should not take the medicine. Why do I need to take them so I can forget Ray? It is not that Ray was successful in brainwashing me because I am still me. _Actually_ , Ray never even tried to brainwash me at all. I don’t understand why Dr. Pam strongly believes that I need to take medication. It is not that I don’t trust her being a doctor, but why the hell I have to forget Ray?

It’s ironic because I feel like it’s the BL Industries who’s trying to brainwash me using the drugs they provided.

**-**

That same day, as I lay down on the floor, my right arm stretched out towards the ceiling and my hand tightly holding the medicine bottle, my brain starts to wander again. If you are wondering why I am laying down the floor and not in my bed, I don’t have an exact explanation. Because you know sometimes it is just nice to break your usual pattern, like what I’m doing right now.

My encounters today with different people broke my usual routine, which I know I should be thankful for. I’ve been complaining how boring my life was before and even craved for relationship – acquaintance, friends... And I know I should thank my brain too for not messing up while I was being interrogated. But everything that unfolds today seems to happen so fast that I feel like I am missing a lot of point. Now that I am able to think about it, I feel Korse and Dr. Pam seems to know me very well. And the way Dr. Pam specifically asks me questions like if I’m having headaches and if I’m becoming more aware of my surrounding is very troublesome. Yes, I’m starting to become more aware of myself and I know there is something wrong in me because I feel like I have amnesia or something thanks to all these memory and time lapses. I also have a lot of questions that bothers me every single day, but I really don’t know where to start looking for answers. It is not that I can go straight to these BL Industries personnel and ask them.

I don’t know why, but I feel I should not give them my full trust. That is why I lied.

But never did once the different image of me left my mind throughout the day. It bothers me because that is my image and it is creepy as hell. And I know when things like that happen in your life, you should never tell a single soul about it because anyone who learns that you are seeing a different image of yourself might think you are crazy.

Then suddenly, the medicine bottle slipped off from my grip and fell straight in my face. 

_S_ _mack!_

“Ow!”

I got upon the floor and rubbed my forehead where the bottle made a direct hit. Then within seconds, I felt like my head is about to split into two. I’m now having the worse headache in my entire life. I never experience this kind of pain before. And this pain is blinding and all I can do is to tightly shut my eyes and hold my head. Although I don’t know if grabbing my head will help lessen the pain I’m in right now.

I can’t think straight anymore... I struggle to fight the urge to hit my own head on the floor because there's the huge possibility that I might crack my head open. But when you experience this kind of pain, hitting your head into something hard seems like a very good idea.

This headache is so terrible like I feel like I’m going to die.

But I don’t want to die. Not yet. I still have a lot of things that I wanted to do. Then I remember the medicine. 

_I need to take those damn drugs immediately!_

But the pain is so intense that I don’t know where the medicine rolled on the floor when it slipped off from my hands. Instead, I lay down in the floor and curled into a ball, hoping and praying to some gods who I know doesn’t even exist for the pain to stop.

**-**

I feel like I just got ran over by trucks.

I slowly opened my eyes. And I can’t help but to be let out a sigh of relief because the pain finally went away but I’m not really sure how long I struggled to fight it. But it seriously feels like ages. I think I passed out and my mouth is leaking with saliva and my face is disgustingly wet due to sweat.

I forced myself to get up and sat; my back resting in the corners of my bed. I sat for a while, catching my breath. I feel like I just ran a marathon.

_I need water._

As I was about to stand up, I grabbed the collar of my shirt and used it to wipe my face and mouth. Then I saw something that I know should not suppose to be there. I feel my eyes just doubled in size and my jaw dropped on the floor because  _holy shit, what I am seeing right now cannot be real at all!_

I saw that the back of my hand is heavily inked with letters and designs that I know shouldn’t be there. I don’t remember having these before!

I feel like I’m going to be sick immediately.

Both the back of my hands are inked, and I began to trace other parts of my body and not only my hands but I was fucking scared that there are other tattoos my body – my torso, calves…

_“This is insane! Holy shit!”_

I stood up immediately and removed my shirt, almost ripping it and threw it somewhere on the floor. I quickly ran to the bathroom and looked at my own reflection in the mirror.

I threw up.

Everything about me just doesn’t make any sense anymore.

I looked at my own image in the mirror. “Why did I never notice them before? This is my body, damn it! Was this a joke? What the fuck is wrong with me?!!”

Within split seconds, rage crept up inside me; wrapped within this anger is my extreme hate towards myself.

My right hand curled into fist and I just threw a punch in my toilet mirror. The mirror breaks and some broken pieces fell in the sink. Blood started to drip from the mirror but I don’t find any reason to remove my fist. I let it just stay there.

I feel so broken.

Then I felt something warm was slowly pouring from my eyes.

_Why am I crying?_

Although I could feel that my eyes became glassy and everything just became blurred, I gaze at the broken mirror and saw the man bearing my face again. It is the same image that I saw last night. This time, he didn’t winked back at me.

He is crying too.

**-**

A week had passed and it’s always raining hard all throughout Inner City. The weather is so gloomy, cold and dark that I can’t help but to always feel lethargic, tired and sad. I still go to work – not because I want to, but because I need to keep myself busy because I feel I’m going to die if I got stuck in my apartment all alone and doing nothing for days. I didn’t notice Way much these days, but I know he’s always there, sitting at the corner working his ass off. I don’t actually have any reason to start racking my brain thinking about him. I more concerned at myself.

I’m heavily inked all over my body, but why does I never noticed them before. This is my body... My  _skin_  – I should not be that stupid to never notice them.

_Everything is terribly wrong in me._

Two days after the time I noticed my heavily inked body, another wave of migraine attacked me, still unforgiving and similar to the last one, I felt like I’m going to die. I’m thankful because the attack happened when I was in my apartment. That time, I tried to take the medicine Dr. Pam gave me but I just gagged and threw it up in the sink.

I don’t know what I was thinking but I also threw all the contents of the medicine bottle after.

After a few minutes, it finally sinks in that I just wasted a 30 days’ worth of medicine.

What a waste.

The other bottle remains unopened.

It is settled before that I don’t trust Dr. Pam and the drugs that she gave me. But damn it! After my encounter with Korse and Dr. Pam, I started to have all these terrible headaches. I don’t know but I have a strong feeling that this must be the side-effect of just talking to them.

But I am not still sure if taking the medicine will help me with my headaches. I just assumed that it will because Dr. Pam said it will clear my mind. And every time that I’m having this headache attacks, I remember that I was thinking too much before. Actually, I feel afraid that if ever I take the medicine, my brain is going on a halt and I don’t want that to happen.

So I rationalized that I'm fine with my deadly headaches, as long as my brain is working.

Then I noticed that the rain just stopped pouring this gloomy and cold night. I looked outside my window, surveying Inner City. Everything is so peaceful tonight, but the current mood is so dark and silent.

Suddenly, I found myself walking outside my apartment, wearing a black thick jacket where I slid the hood over my head. Both my hands are inside the front pockets.

For the first time in my life, I took a stroll outside my apartment that night without any valid reason why I am doing it. I never go outside at this time of the day in my whole life. I just don’t know why I never go outside. Or maybe I did before, but I don’t remember. Because, as you all already know, my brain is all messed up.

 _Inner City_ _._  Everything is so peaceful, stark clean, but the roads are wet. It’s too damn silent too and the absence of any living figure is really intriguing. There are no Dracs anywhere. No one is outside at this time of the hour – well except for me.

The only sources of light are from the lamp posts at every corner. Buildings and houses are all pitch dark that I feel I am the only soul who is still awake. Thankfully, the mood is not creepy – I don’t believe in any ghost, but it was so gloomy and I feel that the night is perfect that I should seize the chance to check out Inner City.

I just walk around wandering and without a destination. There are no stars and it’s so uncomfortably cold. But I feel the moment is perfect ― that I should take the chance to let my brain wander to something else – observe Inner City at this time of hour, appreciate the fact that I’m able to do this right now where I’m feeling perfectly fine, no headache and whatsoever.

I passed Database and it looked so different at night. It feels really weird actually seeing the place where I always work at night. Database looks like a huge haunted building and it feels really odd because why are there no Dracs guarding it? I know that Database is not the most important building around because the headquarters of Better Living Industries is at Battery City. But it feels so weird that no one is around and guarding it.

But on a second thought, I think I should be thankful that no one is around the vicinity because I really don’t know how I will explain myself why I’m out and wandering at the streets of Inner City at this time of the night.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps behind my back, I immediately turned around and I recognized the face behind me.

_“Frank?”_

It was Way. He is standing behind my back, his eyes look so round and sharp.

But even before I can even give him my reply, I saw another figure walking behind him, and  _holy shit!_ I’m so sure who that person is. But I know he shouldn’t be there at all because he is supposed to be dead.

“Holy Shit!” I cursed again. “Ray, is… is that… y-you’re alive?” I stammered, slowly walking backwards and planning for my escape.

But Ray seems to understand my movements and made his first action of the night by charging towards me. He didn’t answer my question, but his reaction surprised me because I thought we are good, that he will never do me any harm. I saw his eyes looked so scared but he's determined nonetheless. I didn’t even have the time to react when Ray pinned me on the ground. He is way bigger than me. And shit! My ass hurts when I fell down on the hard ground. Ray immediately cupped my mouth, preventing me to shout out loud. I saw Way took something from his pocket and I am sure those are ropes.

Way immediately tied both my hands and feet without any hesitation. I tried to bite Ray’s hand but it was too late. Ray managed to duct taped my mouth shut and blind-folded my eyes.

Everything is now pitch dark and I screamed at the top of my lungs. I thought the silence of Inner City might give me the advantage and any sound that I made will be heard by any soul around.

But I think no one heard me at all.

I know for a fact that there’s a high probability that I will die tonight.

Michael and supposed-to-be-dead Ray kidnapped me.

“ _I’m very sorry, Frank,”_ I heard Ray whispered near my ear and I could sense his breathing erratic, almost like he is regretting what he will do next. And then I felt something hard just hit the back of my head.

And I don’t know what happened next.


	7. Chapter 7

I regained my consciousness with a slight pain in the back of my neck. Everything is still dark and I don’t have a single idea where Ray and Way brought me. But I can feel the ground where I am laying down right now is awfully wet and cold. And I wonder if I’m still in Inner City. I could hear very low voices, almost murmurs within a distance and I’m absolutely sure those are Ray’s and Michael's.

In this rapid turn of events, I’m supposed to think about so many things. That is what I usually do in my life – think about how my life is full of mess, how I’m getting sick and tired of not remembering things and who the fuck is that guy in the mirror who looks just like me. But now, I just don’t care at all. I don’t care if I will never know the answer, I only wanted to confront Ray and Way right now because I feel so betrayed and deceived by them.

And why in the world are they even together? And they even kidnapped me? Michael fucking Way deceived me, pretending to be always quiet and oblivious to his surroundings. And Ray? Why is Ray even alive? It is not that I want him dead, but Korse told me he is dead. And I even saw his profile. And if Ray is a rebel and he is with Way, then it makes sense to think that he’s a rebel too!

Then I heard a door opened. I don’t know the exact direction the door is located. But based on the sound, I think it’s behind me on my left side. The presence of a door allows me to make a wild guess that I’m inside a room right now but I still couldn’t see since Ray blind-folded me. But I think the door is made of metal due to the sound it made. I tried my best to pretend that I’m still unconscious.

After shutting the door closed, someone immediately speaks. 

“What the fuck, Star?  _Seriously?_  Kidnapping Fun Ghoul is not part of our plan! I’m under the impression that we will try to talk to him first and maybe explain things. You know, there’s no need to kidnap him! You even hit him! Oh God, I feel terrible. I feel I'm going to be sick.”

I recognized that the voice was Way’s.  _Kidnapping Fun Ghoul?_   Was that supposed to be a code name for me?

“Stop overreacting, Kobra. And you saw his reaction too! He’s going to run away and we cannot let this chance slip away. We already have this chance to get Fun Ghoul without Dracs wandering around Inner City.” This time it was Ray who replies, his voice very low.

“I’m aware of that, Star. And I still couldn’t even believe that Ghoul decided to wander the night when all the Draculoids are summoned in Battery City! But I’m positive that Ghoul’s never going to be okay with this. He looked so scared.”

“There’s nothing that we can do now, Kobra. He believes that I’m dead. According to Dr. Death’s lookout inside the BL/ind's headquarters, Korse summoned him last time and they were dead sure that Korse told him that I’m a rebel and that I’m already dead. Ugh… Ghoul might even think we’re here to kill him.”

 “Well, I hope Ghoul doesn’t think that way, Star. I mean he is one of us.”

 _'One of them? Whoah. Was that a joke?’_ I thought.

“He  _used_  to be one of us, Kobra. Before BL/ind fucked up his brains.”

“Well, BL/ind messed all our brains.” Way corrected Ray. “And he is still one of us. I believe in Ghoul. I believe he will wake up. And I’m so glad Stone Peril contacted us when he saw Ghoul left his apartment. But you’re right, Star. This is the only chance we got to make Ghoul to remember things.”

“Well, I’m  _always_  right, Kobra.”

“Shut the fuck up, Star,” says Way and I could imagine him rolling his eyes.

“So, Stone Peril is the guy who works one floor below you at Database, right Kobra?”

“Yes. He’s one of us and he lives at Ghoul’s apartment building too. He’s keeping an eye on him ever since and checking if Ghoul’s already waking up. He keeps on calling Ghoul, Frankie. I told him that Ghoul hates it when people call him Frankie. Well, with the only exception of…”

 _‘Exception of who, Way? Why didn’t you mention the name? And... And why do you sound so sad?’_ I said outloud inside my head. 

“Oh, Kobra… We will find him too, don’t worry. You found me and Ghoul. And I’m sure we will find him too. We’re almost close and just believe that he is still alive, okay? I know that we all saw Korse shot him, but we are all been shot and look at us! Here we are and still alive and kicking! The only thing we can do right now is believe that he’s alive and we will find him no matter what. But now, we need to focus on Ghoul first.”

“Thanks, Star. But… It’s been too long, you know? What BL/ind did to us is so evil I know I will never ever forgive them. I miss my brother so much...”

“I miss him too, Kobra. BL/ind totally messed up our lives. And both I and Ghoul were asleep for almost four years already! You’re way better than us, Kobra. You woke up after three years.”

“Hey… I think Frank’s already awake, Ray.”

 _‘Oh no… I’m dead.._ _.’_  

So I thought my acting was perfect but apparently, Way see through it. I guess it’s already over for me to pretend so I squirmed a little bit as a signal that what Way said is true.

“Ray, get that chair,” I heard Way asked Ray. Then a few seconds, something dropped beside me. Then I felt I was being lifted up but I don’t have any idea if it was Ray or Way. Then they had me sit on the chair. Slowly, I can feel the blindfold being untied and finally I can see the place where I am right now.

It’s a four corner room made of brick stones and there’s a bulb hanging above which is the only source of light in this room. On the left is a metal door and standing in front of me is Ray and Way.

Ray pulled the duck-tape that covers my mouth and I gave a short yelp. My mouth is so itchy and I want to scratch it immediately, but my hands are still tied behind my back.

“Hey Frank,” Way casually greeted which made me feel sick.

My only response is a death glare. I couldn’t find the right words to say at this moment. And to be honest though, I don’t give a damn if they are rebels. The fact that they deceived me is unforgivable. Especially Ray. Then I shifted my look to Ray who looks so weirdly calm. And it made me even sick that I hissed.

“Why are you even alive, Toro?”

“Whoah Ghoul, do you want me dead?” Ray asked, his eyes looked terribly surprised and sad. And he mentioned that code name again.

“And why do you keep on calling me Ghoul? What the hell is that?”

Way rolls his eyes and then gave out a loud sigh. Ray keeps his mouth shut and it seems he doesn’t have a single plan to answer my question.

“OK, Frank. Please listen,” Michael started, his eyes looking sharp and piercing in which I just returned the same look. “We will give you two options here. One is we will let you go right now. I’m going to untie you and you can see that door?” Way sways his arm and point at the metal door. “This room is located below Database.”

“Wait, Kobra! You’re just going to let Ghoul escape?” Ray commented, his tone disapproves of what Way is offering.

“What’s the second option then, Michael?” I asked him firmly. The first option seems too good to be true. Michael started to walk away from his spot and going towards the right side corner of this room where I noticed there’s a wooden crate. He opened it and retrieved something inside.

Michael threw it on the floor and I swallowed hard. I’m very familiar of that green vest and I have seen it so many times because that’s the exact vest that guy who looks exactly like me is wearing. And I couldn’t believe it even exists! Now that I could see it up close, I wanted to grab it and thoroughly scan all the details. I want to see the yellow patch on the left side and trace it with my fingers.

Because I feel that if I’m able to do that, I might remember things.

Michael cleared his throat and I realized that my body is already leaning forward and my gaze still fixated at the vest in the floor. “The second option Frank is you will listen to what we are going to say. We will not hurt you and I promise you that. And I know that you have a lot of questions such as why you are here in Inner City and why you don’t remember who you are. And… And it seems that you recognize that vest.”

“Yes, I recognize that vest!" I yelled, tension slowly rising in my veins. "And why do you have that, Michael? And... And who the fuck is that image that I always see whenever I will look at myself in every goddamn mirror?!! TELL ME!!!”

“It is the real you, Frank,” Ray simply answered.

“So I’m going to untie you now, Frank. It’s up to you to decide. Stay here and we will explain everything you need to know. Or escape here and I promise we will not follow you.” Way untied the rope and finally I can feel my hands are free.

And within split seconds, I stood up and threw a punch in Ray’s face. Ray fall down hard on the floor and looked back at me, his face aghast.

And God, punching Ray in his face feel so good. 

“What the fuck, Frank?” Ray shouted, still looking confused. But it appears that Ray doesn’t have any intention to hit me back.

“That’s for pinning me down on the ground that made my ass fucking hurts and for hitting the back of my neck, you asshole.”

Way snorted and looked at me, “So are you staying, Frank? You’re going to hear our story out?” Way stretched his hands to Ray and helped him stand up.

“You better start explaining, Way.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Inner City is one big experimental station created by Better Living Industries. And we’re all laboratory rats inside this fucking place. And fuck those gigantic walls that divide Inner City from Battery City.” Way started. His tone disgusted and I could sense that there is this lingering resolve in his eyes that he wanted revenge. But I could be wrong though.

I found myself sitting back on the chair because my neck still hurts and I have a weird feeling our conversation will eat a lot of time and I don’t fancy standing up the whole time Way is explaining. On the other hand, Way seems to be fine standing up while Ray found his own place sitting at the wooden crate where Michael retrieved the very familiar military vest.

“What do you mean we’re laboratory rats here at Inner City, Michael?” I inquired almost immediately.

The whole room is filled with an indescribable tension, but it was suddenly dissipated when Ray gave a very loud annoying snort. And it was loud enough to pull both me and Way away from our thoughts about Inner City and lab rats.

“Oh  _please_  Frankie. Call him Mikey and not Michael.”

“Mikey?” I repeated frowning back at Mikey and he nodded, grinning. It is very weird though because the name _Mikey_ somewhat rings a bell. Then I remember Ray calling me Frankie.

And so I glared at Ray, my eyes almost narrowing, “Shut up Toro. Don’t call me Frankie. I still hate you.”

Ray just shook his head as his response.

“So yeah, Frankie, I prefer it over Michael.” Mikey acknowledged, winking back at me. I let out a loud sigh because shit, I couldn’t find the strength to spat Mikey after he just called me Frankie. Wholly the reason behind this is I can still picture him as this silent guy who works at Database. And now, the Mikey here inside this room is a totally different person and doing the exact opposite of the image he holds when we are at Database.

“And besides, we both hate formalities,” Mikey added.

“Uh, okay then, Mikey.” I firmly pronounced. Well, I have to agree. Mikey is way better than Michael.

“That’s better.” Ray commented, giving me a thumb up. “But we mostly stick to our Killjoy names and actually, we rarely use our real names. So my Killjoy name is Jet Star and he is Kobra Kid,” Ray motioned his hand towards Mikey.

“And you Frank, your Killjoy name is Fun Ghoul.”

“Huh?”

“Yes Frank. Your name is Fun Ghoul and we’re called The Fabulous Killjoys,” Ray said proudly. “We’re an awesome group of outlaws and we fight against the evil Better Living Industries. In short, we kick ass.” Ray tells me, grinning.

“So you mean to say that I’m a rebel? Just like the two of you?” I asked back. The way Mikey and Ray look back at me seems to describe that disbelief is evident in my face.

“Uh huh,” Ray answered simply.

“Yes, Frank.” Mikey seconded. 

“But… how was that even possible? And why don’t I remember it?”

And I know I should panic at this point because they just told me too casually that I’m part of their group and which technically labels me a rebel. And I even have this code name –  _Fun Ghoul,_ which sounds strange but awesome at the same time.

But it is also odd because I don’t feel afraid towards Mikey and Ray anymore. And the fact they just kidnapped me earlier seems to be part of the past like it happened years ago and I don’t even care at all.

I guess the best way to explain all this is I think I trust them. And trusting them seems to be rooted way deeper in my heart that I couldn’t even find the right words to _explain_ _why._

“Well, that’s because BL/ind did something horrible to all of us.” Ray announced.

“It’s roughly 4 years ago Frank, when we all fell into the hands of Better Living Industries,” Mikey said and making an eye contact to me. “You see, we were on a mission to save Grace and she is part of our group. She was kidnapped by Korse.”

“Korse?” I repeated. “You mean this guy with a hideous get-up who looked like he’s going to break your neck even if you are not doing anything?” I inquired at them, confirming if we’re talking about the same guy. 

‘ _So that might be the reason why Korse seems to know me_ ,’ I thought.

“Yep, Frank. That’s the guy. He is the Exterminator of the Better Living Industries. He hunts down rebels… Us.” It was Ray who provided the answer. Then I looked back at Mikey and he looked very different. In fact, Mikey’s eyes are so dark and sharp that it looks like he is ready to kill someone and doesn’t have a single plan to show signs of remorse.

I never saw Mikey look like that way before.  _‘Why does he look like that?’_  I thought to myself.

“Uh, Mikey?” I called him out and Mikey’s face quickly switched back to normal.

“Oh, yeah… Yes, where was I?” Mikey stuttered, scratching the back of his neck. Ray just looked at him, not saying anything. “Oh, I remember now. So Grace was kidnapped by Korse. And of course, we cannot just sit back and do nothing. We need to get Grace back to us because it was our mission to bring her back to Dr. Death Defying safe. And we cannot just let those BL shitheads do whatever they want to do to Grace because it appears that she’s very important to them.”

“So we all went to Battery City to save her.” Ray continued the story and his voice sounds melancholic. “But we are all very unfortunate because there’s just too many Dracs. And we met our demise while saving Grace. We are all been shot. And… we are supposed to be dead.”

“But if we are all been shot, then why are we still ali –“ My voice was cut by my own thoughts because I remember the scar in my chest - the scar which appears to be caused by a ray gun. It now makes sense why I have it.

“I’ll get to that part, Frank.” Mikey assures me. “So we are supposed to be dead. I remember I was shot in my chest. But then, when I woke up one day everything in my surrounding is so different. I don’t recognize the place and even myself. I looked so different! Then I saw you Frank at the corner, reading papers and I thought to myself, ‘what the fuck is Frank doing there?’ And I tried to talk to you but you don’t recognize me. You only talk when someone started a conversation with you. Then the only plausible reason why you act differently and you don’t recognize me is that BL/ind brainwashed you.”

“So I panicked but I tried my best to contain it because I know I’m in a place that I don’t recognize. Then I met Stone Peril and he told everything I need to know about this place.” Mikey tells.

I raised an eyebrow. “Stone Peril?”

“Stone Peril lives next door to your place. His name is actually Leo and he is Dr. Death’s spy inside Database. There’s actually more spies here and BL doesn’t even know that rebels have already infiltrated this city.

I nodded. “I see.”

“So I learned from Peril that we are supposed to be dead. Apparently, it was BL/ind’s plan all along to get us all. And the ray gun shots that we received obviously didn’t kill us. Grace is now safe and is with Dr. Death. Peril also told me that BL/ind used us all as their test subjects – lab rats inside this Inner City. That’s how low they value human lives. Either you are ghosted, drugged and became Ritalin rats, became a Drac or being stuck here in Inner City as fucking lab rats.”

“So what exactly is Inner City? I know you said this is an experimental station…” I inquires.

“So inside Inner City, we think this is a place where humans can live peacefully and perfect. But on the outside’s perspective, they see this as one big experimental station. This city was fully erected one year after we are all been classified dead. And Better Living Industries is using this place to simulate a big community where they can rule without the aid of drugs.” Mikey tells.

He continues, “BL/ind recognizes that they cannot provide drugs to everyone to make them happy, especially on a long term basis. It is also very counterproductive because there is still a high probability that people will still wake up. You know, some random individual might wake up one day and say they don’t want to take any more drugs. And also, BL/ind discovered that the drugs they provide to the masses have a side effect! They found out that people with synthetic happiness will often feel tired and worse, not capable of working at all. Basically, every single drugged individual is as good as ghosted and BL/ind have no used for them.”

“And so they built Inner City to become its first experimental station. Since they know they cannot rule the world with drugs alone, they thought they can use this  _thing_  which is way worse than bombs or drugs to rule.” Mikey announces.

“And what is that  _thing_?” I asked.

“Ideas.”

 _“Ideas?”_  I repeated, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

“Yes.” Mikey nodded. “The idea or maybe you can even call it ideology – the idea of being safe, happy, comfortable, and the natural hate to anything or anyone who disagree with the current system or status quo. That is what BL/ind wants to happen in this world. And they don’t even need drugs to make people think that way. That is the very reason why they built Inner City – to simulate that environment. And if they are successful, they can slowly turn each location around the world similar to Inner City.”

“That is also the reason why Inner City seems too perfect and comfortable. And since we are not drugged and we just blindly follow them, then BL/ind can use all of us for their gain.” Mikey supplied.

“And being lab rats inside Inner City is the worst punishment for being a Killjoy. You know, we just follow what they say and we aren’t even drugged!” Ray added to the discussion, throwing his arms up in the air, feeling disgusted. “Ugh. Imagine that I even hanged out with Dracs while I was still working at logistics.”

“We’re aware of that, Star.” Mikey commented at Ray, rolling his eyes. “So yeah, with the shared values and ideas inside Inner City, BL/ind is capable of controlling each and one of us. They know that the best way to win this war is to let everyone possess similar values. Before, when we all think of rebels, we just instantly declare that they are evil and we don’t care if they are dead. That is one perfect example of a shared idea.”

I immediately remember the moment when Korse told me that Ray is dead, and I replied that Ray deserves it since he is a rebel.

“And with that, they eliminate the side effects of using drugs and they can force each and one of us to work at certain hours without us protesting or disagreeing with them. Additionally, since they can control each one of us, they made it a shared idea within Inner City that dying in the name of Better Living Industries is a greatest honor in this world. And you just accept it because you think that is right.” Ray added.

“But there is this one huge mistake in BL/ind’s plan.” Mikey pointed out. “In order to bring people here at Inner City and to blindly follow them, they still have to drug the person and brainwash them first. The idea that they want to rule the world without drugs is flawed in the first place because technically, we are still drugged to begin with. And we, as Killjoys received the worst way to be drugged. All of us have been brainwashed and according to Peril, me and Ray here have been brainwashed and broken down for three months. You Frank, they drugged you for almost half a year because they find it very hard to break your soul.”

I cringed at the thought of myself brainwashed for six months.

“Maybe that’s the reason why it took you so long to finally realize that there is something wrong with you.” Ray pointed out.

“Yes, that might be the reason,” Mikey nodded in agreement. “And we are all called Alphas here in Inner City, which means that we are the first batch of BL/ind’s test subjects. We are placed here one year after Inner City was built.”

“And that is the story how we all ended up here in Inner City.” Ray concluded, his arms folded in his chest.

“And it is not that you forget things Frank,” Mikey consoles me. “It is also not your fault that you feel like there is something missing in your life. It is because Better Living Industries brainwashed you and made you forget.”

I gave out one disappointed loud sigh and I gaze at the military vest which still at the floor. I feel I shouldn’t understand what they are saying because the information seems too many to understand. But it feels weird because it all makes sense, although I still don’t remember my past. They answered everything that’s bothering me for months – why I am at Inner City, why I work at Database, why I have memory lapses, why I don’t remember who I am, where I got that scar in my chest.

“I understand now. Thanks,” I told them, and they looked at me like they doubt what I just said. “I mean, all the things you just said make sense and honestly, it answered all the questions. But there is just one problem here, guys...”

“What is that, Fun Ghoul?”

“I still don’t remember my past. I still don’t know who the fuck am I or what kind of relationship I shared with the two of you. I know you just said that we’re Killjoys, and we’re a group who fights against Better Living Industries. But I don’t know… Are we friends or what? What kind of memories I shared with you? Are those fun, sad, weird, adventurous?” I told them, my voice sounds low and defeated. “And I’m not even sure if I will regain my memories back.”

“Oh Frank,” Mikey says softly. “Sure you will get your memories back. That’s why we are here. As a matter of fact, you’re slowly waking up. Your heart tells you that you should trust us, right?”

“Yes?” I answered immediately, but ended up sounding more of a question.

“So, are you already aware that you have numerous tattoos on your body?”

I nodded.

“Good. So I assumed that you experienced some deathly migraines.”

I nodded again.

“See? I told you Kobra this is the perfect time! Oh God, I knew I’m always right.” Ray mentioned, staring at Mikey like he just won a major prize at the lottery.

Mikey rolls his eyes, “Shut the fuck up, Star.” Mikey slipped his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and retrieved a bottle – it’s a medicine bottle if I am not mistaken.

“Here Ghoul,” Mikey throws the bottle in my hands which made me give him a curious look. “That will make you remember. But I must warn you, once you take 3 tablets right now, you will experience headache immediately. It is not similar to the last one you had, though. The headache you will experience will definitely bring back your memories, but it’s going to be a painful process. But we believe you can do it, and you will definitely wake up.”

I scan the bottle Mikey gave me. It is not similar to the bottle Dr. Pam gave me. The bottle is colored black and there are quite a few pills inside. “So where did you get this?” I asks, shaking the small bottle.

“We got that from Dr. Death. Took them 2 years to finally develop a drug that will counteract the BL/ind drugs. They cannot make loads of that stuff though because resources are limited. So are you going to take them?”

“Yes,” I said, nodding my head. “I don’t see any reason why not.”

Before I take the pills, I breathe loudly as a sigh of relief. I waited all my life for this chance, the chance to finally recover my memories. I know what I’m going to do is right and I don’t feel that Mikey and Ray is lying. All I have right now is to trust them and that is exactly what I’m going to do.

I immediately took three pills at the same time and I could feel it scratching my throat. I don’t need water though because the pills are relatively small.

I don’t feel anything weird,  _yet_.

Mikey walked towards me and gripped my shoulder. “We’re not leaving you, Frank. We will stay here no matter what. And we will make it sure that you remember us – me, Ray and Gerard.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Gerard? Who’s Gerard?”

And within split seconds after hearing that name, I fall off from the chair and my head feels like it will split into two. All I know I won’t survive this kind of pain. This pain is so unbearable – no way near to the last headache I suffered.

And I know Gerard…

I know him. 

_I love him._

_-_

And the thickness of the walls and the metal door is not even enough to block Frank’s scream. He is writhing in pain, curled in a fetal position and both his hands grabbing his head because the pain is just unbearable.


	9. Chapter 9

_“Stop it, Ghoul,” Party giggled, casting his playful eyes back at Fun Ghoul. Ghoul just rolls his eyes and steps back a little; Party  isstill leaning his back against the wall._

_“Okay. I know I should stop myself from ‘harassing’ you,” Ghoul replied and creating the annoying air quotes. “But God, Party! You’re making it so hard for me when you look at me like that!” Ghoul protested, exhaling loudly._

_“I’m very sorry, Ghoul,” Party said, biting his lower lip. But Ghoul knows that he is not apologetic at all. Ghoul slowly leans forward to meet Party’s face. Party’s eyes doubled in size, his mouth slightly opening._

_Ghoul smirked. He knows what Party is expecting. But he won’t give it to him though, yet._

_And it was a painful 15-second silence and Ghoul is just making an eye-contact with Party._

_But Ghoul can’t take it anymore. There is something about Party that he knows he cannot resist. He smiled from ear to ear as a sign of his surrender, and his lips met Party’s._

_However, it’s not the same kiss they shared before. Fear immediately took over and their kiss become innocent and sweet. They don’t feel that there’s a hunger in their system that needs to be filled sexually. There’s no lust in their eyes. Aside from fear, another reason behind this is they both share this feeling within their hearts that this kiss might be the last exchange they will have._

_Party Poison and Fun Ghoul are both scared and they know that danger days are just ahead… And the only way they can hide this emotion is by spending all the time they had together._

_Because Fun Ghoul is Party Poison’s weakness. And Party is Ghoul’s. And they are both aware that the enemy already knows this and they can use this knowledge to gain the upper hand._

-

They both anticipated that this is bound to happen, but they don’t know it will happen too soon. Everything just blew up in their faces and there’s nothing they can do but to blame themselves. They don’t want to hurt each other but they failed in their mission. But Ghoul repeatedly pleaded to Party not to think this was his entirely his fault. Because amongst this group of outlaws, Party Poison blames himself the hardest. He reminded Party that although he is the leader, they still work as a team and it doesn’t make any sense that he just keeps on blaming himself that Grace got snatched away from them.

What Fun Ghoul didn’t know is the constant turmoil and battle that is happening inside Party Poison’s heart. He doesn’t also know that deep inside Party’s heart is he is close to losing his faith to his abilities and he is very scared.

Party repeatedly reminds himself that he is not brave and everything in this world is a fucking joke. He wanted to believe he is brave, but he also wants to wake up from this nightmare. He realized that he is not what he thinks he was – the brave, smart leader of Killjoys. He became a Killjoy because he wanted to protect the people who are dearest to him. He knows he hates Better Living Industries’ idea of creating a world void of colors – he is an artist for fucks sake! He didn’t sign up living in a world where you can be happy using drugs so you won’t feel pain anymore. That’s why he became a Killjoy. He doesn’t want those who are dearest to him to become part of that world.

But when he met Korse’s eyes and seeing Grace struggling to escape away from his grip but to no avail, he felt like he is a trash –  _useless_. His ray gun and fighting skills makes him feel like he is just a five-year old kid pretending to be a hero in his make-believe kids’ tale. The only difference is at the end of the day, this five-year old kid can say it’s over and he will go home, asking for a cookie from his mommy. No. Party Poison is haunted every night with his fears and it slowly eating him up. He knows he cannot just raise his arms and surrender – declare that it’s over. It doesn’t work when you are Zonerunning for years and raiding empty shacks and stores for resources. He cannot just quit because he is the leader of the Fabulous Killjoys.

But Party tried to remind himself too that he wanted this in the first place and surrendering to the enemy is not his plan. He doesn’t want that synthetic happiness that Better Living offers. But the comfort and safety that they offer slowly makes its way inside to his heart, and it is enticing.

If Party will be honest with himself, he just wanted to keep Fun Ghoul safe. He wanted to keep his brother and Star safe, too.

-

Fun Ghoul knows that something is bothering Party Poison for days. It has been four days after Grace was taken from them by Korse and they are back to Station Shack at Zone 6.

They received a transmission message from Dr. Death Defying a while ago. Their mission is to save Grace tomorrow and it will commence at 21:00 sharp. By 22:00 Dr. Death’s vehicle will come to pick them up at Better Living Industries front door. It means that they only have one hour to find Grace and try their best not to have themselves got caught or killed in the process.

Everyone except for Fun Ghoul is in a bad mood. He is more concerned and worried about Party. He caught him zoning out a lot, sighing heavily and his eyes just looks like the world is about to explode and there is nothing that he can do. His brother, Kobra Kid treats Party’s silence like it’s just normal. Maybe because he is mad at his brother and blaming him for what happened to Grace. It was Party’s idea to in the first place to Zonerunning at Zone 1 because he wants to test if they can cross the lines going to Battery City.

Jet Star is not saying anything too and he is getting sick and tired of the current tension inside Station Shack. He knows he needs to go out and just breathe because it’s getting toxic at Station Shack as every second passes away. He also needs to clear his mind and prepare for their next mission. And so, he asked Kobra Kid to accompany him in raiding a gasoline station just near the Zone 5 border. This will be his form of escape, aside from the fact that they need the Trans Am fully tanked for tomorrow’s mission.

“Can’t we all go there?” Party asks tiredly.

“Just stay here, Party. We all know you needed some rest.” Jet Star replies flatly, adjusting his ray gun holster and giving Kobra Kid a signal that they should already go. “We still have 24 hours before we all drive down at Battery City. Use it to clear your mind, OK?”

Party didn’t say anything and only watch Star and Kobra exits at the diner’s back door. A few seconds, he heard the car motor starts running and soon they are gone.

Although the tension is still lingering inside Station Shack, Party knows his fellow Killjoys are just worried about him.

‘ _Keep running_ ,’ that is what Korse said to him. Party cringed at the thought that no matter where he go, Korse will find him.

-

“Here,” Frank placed an opened can of Power Pup in front of Party’s, tiny silverware sticking from the inside. Party just stares back at the can, his lips quivered. “You need to eat,” Ghoul reminded him softly. “I don’t know what you’re thinking right now, but all I can tell you right now is you’re losing your focus.”

Ghoul sat at the opposite bench, looking straight at Party. He watches as Party lifted the spoon inside the can, so slow like it weighs a hundred times more than it used to be. Small portion of the food touched his lips and Ghoul just watches in horror. He feels like Party is about to break soon.

“Fuck! Gerard! Will you snap out of it? What the hell is wrong with you?!” Ghoul snapped, throwing a fist at the table. Party jolted, throwing a stupid look like he doesn’t know what’s happening back at Ghoul. Ghoul curses again because he cannot take this anymore.

“I’m sorry Frankie,” Party whispered, looking down at the can and trying his best not to look at Ghoul.

“It’s not your fault, Party. We will get Grace back to us. So quit that stupid drama of yours because we’re all getting sick and tired of it already! You are our leader and –”

“That’s the problem Ghoul!” Party immediately retorted. “I’m your leader and everything I do just puts each one of you to danger. And now I saw the aftermath of my stupidity!”

“You’re not stupid, Party,” Ghoul assures, stretching his arms and placing his hand in Party’s face. But Party’s head jerked at Ghoul's touch and he quickly removed Ghoul’s hand away from him. Ghoul raises his eyebrow, unsure of how to describe what just happened.

“Sorry, Frankie… But we cannot let this continue on,” Party muttered sadly, still avoiding Ghoul’s eyes.

Fun Ghoul raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean, Gee?" Ghoul asks, his voice breaking, unsure of what he just heard. "You’re joking right?”

“It’s over between us, Frank. We cannot continue this anymore.”

As the surge of rage crept inside Ghoul’s system, he grabbed his own can of Power Pup and throws it across the room. Party was so shocked that he jumped from the bench that he is sitting and his eyes met Ghoul’s.

Fun Ghoul stood up and grabbed Party’s wrist forcefully and Party winced at the pain. He pushed Party hard against the wall and Party felt a slight pain in his shoulders.

“Tell me you’re lying, Party…” Fun Ghoul hissed, and every inch of his skin is burning with anger. “That it’s not what you wanted…”

Party could feel Ghoul’s fury. It’s emanating from his skin, from his eyes, from his breath, from his kiss.

Ghoul kisses Party forcefully, and Party cannot do anything to stop it. Party groans in protest but Ghoul just smirks devilishly back at him. Ghoul nibbles and bites his lips so hard that Party can taste his own blood.

“So tell me now, huh….” Ghoul pants, his left hand slowly sliding down into Party’s waist. His fingers stopped moving when it found what it was looking for. Ghoul slowly unbuttons and unzips his Party’s pants. “Tell me that you’re lying, Party…”

Party tightly shuts his eyes closed and he cannot control his breathing anymore. In his mind, he continues to ask himself what’s wrong with Ghoul.

‘ _This is not the Frankie that I love’_ , Party told himself repeatedly, his body shaking.

And he knows cannot provide the answer that Ghoul is seeking from him.

Ghoul continues to kiss Party harshly. And then he moved from his lips to his cheeks, then creating a trail of kisses down to Party’s neck. Ghoul’s hand slowly sliding down inside Party’s pants, touching him... Hurting him...

Party winced, his knees starting to get weak; his eyes burning.

Party doesn’t want this. Not at all.

Suddenly, Party felt his eyes and voice gave up.

 _“Oh my god… What am I doing?”_  Frank freezes almost immediately when he heard Party sobbing. He snapped back to reality and he couldn't believe what he had done. Frank step backward and couldn’t help but look to the man in front of him. The man he is supposed to love, protect and care. The man he reduced into a piece of meat just a few seconds ago.

“I’m very sorry, Gerard! Shit!” Ghoul cries out to Party. He tried to hug Party who’s still crying and broken. But Party flinched away, scared of what Ghoul might do to him next.

“Oh-my-god…” Ghoul doesn’t know what to do anymore.

Party’s back slowly slides down until he is now sitting in the floor. The zipper of his pants is still open, but he really doesn’t have the time and mental ability to zip it back. Ghoul stares down at the broken leader of Killjoy, still couldn’t believe what he just did to him. He almost raped him and Ghoul knows he couldn’t forgive himself for hurting Party.

Ghoul couldn’t take it anymore watching Party like that. So he throws himself to Party, hugging him. Party still winced, struggling to remove Ghoul’s arms around him but Ghoul is way stronger than him. Ghoul continued to embrace him no matter what; his voice cracking, almost to the point of crying while he continues to whisper words of apology to Party.

“Forgive me, Gee… I’m very sorry… I didn’t know what I was doing… I got mad and then… I –”

“I… I don’t want them to hurt you, Frankie,” Party sobs looking back at Ghoul eyes.

Ghoul couldn’t believe what he just heard.

“What do you mean, Gee? I don’t understand...”

“You’re my greatest weakness, Frankie… And... and I don’t want them to hurt you… Just looked at what happened to Grace. They took her away from us… And I don’t want them to take you away from me…”

“And breaking up with me is the only thing you can think of to avoid that?”

Party nodded.

“Oh God, Gee! Look at me,” Ghoul cupped Party’s face, his hands shaking nervously. Party is still crying and it breaks Ghoul’s heart. “If... If that what you thinks is the best for us, then I have to accept it, no matter how hard it is for me."

Party opened his mouth, trying to say something. But he couldn’t find the words to say back to Ghoul.

Ghoul sighed, “I don’t know what sort of things are running inside that brain of yours but,” Ghoul tucked some of Party’s bright red hair strands behind his ears, “I just want to let you know that I will never leave your side no matter what. I’m scared too, Party. I don’t want anything bad happened to you too.”

Party wasn’t aware that he just stopped crying. He is staring back at Ghoul’s eyes and all he could see is pain and regret.

“Will you forgive me, Party?” Fun Ghoul asks softly. “I don’t know what went through me. I got mad when you said it’s over between us, because you know, I don’t get it. I... I don't understand why... But I know there’s nothing I can say to justify my actions earlier because I know I’m an asshole. I couldn’t forgive myself too for doing that to you. But I really didn’t mean to hurt you, Gee. I love you…”

“I… I love you too, Frankie.”

“Please let me kiss you, one last time.”

Party nodded his head slightly. And Fun Ghoul’s lips met Party’s for the last time. The kiss is slow and sweet. But this kiss only brought more pain to the two of them, because they both know this is their last…

It is just so unfair because they love each other; the kind of love that blossoms at a wrong place at the wrong time. Deep inside Frank’s heart, he wished this war will be over.

So he can be with Gerard forever.

“I forgive you, Frankie…”

-

Fun Ghoul saw Korse pinning Party Poison against the wall. He wanted to run towards them to save him but he was surrounded with Dracs. He saw Korse slowly lifting his ray gun, pointing it upward in Party’s neck.

If only Fun Ghoul can bring back the time.

He saw light flashed in Party’s face, and his lifeless body slowly slides down. Korse smirked and his eyes spark with joy. He knows he succeeded in killing the leader of the Fabulous Killjoys.

Party Poison is dead.

He heard Kobra Kid cried out to his brother, charging straight to Korse but was only shot by a Draculoid from his blind spot.

Kobra Kid is dead.

“Ghoul let’s get out of here!” Jet Star hollered back at Ghoul, Grace just running behind him.

Ghoul immediately followed suit and ran towards the door. He is following Jet Star and Grace as they made their exit.

But Ghoul wanted revenge. He wants to kill Korse.

Once Jet Star and Grace are out of the door, he shuts the door closed leaving him inside. Star looked back at Ghoul, terrified, but he knows their priority. He needs to save Grace and keep her safe. He saw Grace screaming back at Ghoul and she wants to go back inside and help him -  _save him._ But Jet Star immediately grabbed her arm and they ran away from the door.

Fun Ghoul lifted his ray gun and starts shooting at the Dracs in random directions.

But this Killjoy is outnumbered. And he already knows that.

And then he felt something hot just hit his chest and Ghoul is aware that he was shot. He then takes his last look at the lifeless man sitting beside the wall, his bright red hair covering his face.

_“I love him.”_

 -

_“So maybe once this is over Party, what do you want to do?” Fun Ghoul asked Party one night. The Fabulous Killjoys found comfort inside their sleeping bags outside Zone 3. Jet Star, Kobra Kid and Grace are snoring loudly and they don’t give a damn that it was hot tonight. They just want to rest after a whole day of Zonerunning._

_“Hmmm… I haven’t think of that thoroughly yet, Ghoul. But one thing is for sure,” Party tells, looking back at Ghoul and smiling._

_“What?”_

_“I just want us to be still together. You, me, my brother, Ray and even Grace! Maybe continue with the band. And... and spend the rest of my life with you.” Party answers and Ghoul could tell that Party is blushing although the only source of light is the campfire they made earlier._

_Ghoul smiled at Party. And they slept all night long comfortably while holding each other’s hands._


	10. Chapter 10

_One month after._

The Great Raid will occur at exactly 00:01 tonight. Fun Ghoul, Kobra Kid and Jet Star are still hiding, this time under the Social Order’s building which is very near at the Wall that divides Inner City and Battery City.

They received a transmission message from Dr. Death Defying one week after Fun Ghoul finally woke up and got his memories back. Dr. Death told them about the Great Raid – which is a mission to blow up Database, the building that is situated in the middle of Inner City as a declaration of war against Better Living Industries.

To Fun Ghoul’s surprised, he found out from Kobra Kid that almost half of the people working at Database are either waking up or they have their memories back. Slowly, some of those rebels planted suitcases with time bombs inside Database and the right time to blow up the building where Frank worked for years will happen tonight.

The Fabulous Killjoys are all waiting for the right time to escape from Inner City. And the perfect time is tonight where there is total chaos inside Inner City.

They planned this all along and all they need to do is wait.

-

Frank now remembers each single dream that he had every night. It was weird though in the beginning because for four years he doesn’t remember any dream that he had. And now, most of the dreams he had either makes him smile or cry. And in almost every single dream he have, Gerard is there.

He misses him so much.

Ray keeps on assuring both Frank and Mikey that Gerard is still alive because of the fact that the three of them are still breathing. ' _Alive and kicking_ ' that's what Ray keeps on saying. And it does make perfect sense that Gerard survived too the night he was shot by Korse. However, Frank couldn’t just neglect his worry that Gerard might be dead.

But Frank chose to believe that he will see Gerard again. He will find him no matter what. Because that is the only reason that keeps him alive.

And once they are out of Inner City, the Fabulous Killjoy’s only mission is to find Party Poison.

 

***End of First Part/Inner City***


	11. Prologue

It is not the hottest day of summer in Zone 1 and the heat is very bearable. If this is a normal place, anyone can just go outside and spend the entire day doing what they love to do. But normalcy is just a thing of the past. No one can live a normal life in Zone 1.

And since this is Zone 1, you won’t usually see living figures walking outside. It is a known fact within the community of Battery City that Zonerunners and Zone Rats are the only ones capable of breaking this rule before. In the past, they can move from one Zone to another without any problems. But ever since Zones 10 and 15 fell into the hands of Better Living Industries one month ago, everyone now lives in constant fear – fear that the _Fall of Five Zones_ will happen any time soon. The _Fall_ is imminent, and almost everyone knows and have _accepted_ this. The act of bravery seems to be a thing of the past. Most people who live in the Zones are hiding, while some finally gave up and surrendered their life to Better Living Industries.

The silence is deafening.

But today is different.

Something just broke the silence in this not-so very hot summer day. The sound of screeching tires can be heard from a far.

A Trans Am just passed through the _Route Guano_ sign, leaving tire tracks behind and spewing sand everywhere. The man driving the car seems to not notice that he is over-speeding, or maybe he just doesn’t care. But since this is Zone 1, no one gives a damn if one is over-speeding or not.

There’s only one man inside the Trans Am. He’s steering with only his right hand, his left arm dangling outside. Both his hands are wearing finger-less leather gloves, his skin graced with patches of motor oil. Although he is wearing tinted goggles, the man seems comfortable in his driving skills, although it’s very obvious he’s committing multiple traffic violation in a wasteland where laws and regulations no longer exists.

The man wears a blue motorcross jacket with a ‘ _Dead Pegasus_ ’ logo on the front. In addition, he also wears red and black scarf around his neck.

And his hair is bright red.

As he speeds off in the roads of Zone 1, he muttered four words under his breath.

_“Party Poison is back.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's very fun writing this story, to be honest. But it is very challenging as well. So I got the plot of this story while I was in a very long bus ride going to the city (so I can see a marching band, jk!). And all I can do while I'm on this long trip was to happily drown myself to Gerard Way's Hesitant Alien album. It happened three months ago, and there's this image of Frank Iero working inside a building and he looks bored about his life crossed my mind. In addition, I'm dying to write a Danger Days Fan Fiction that time and so that's where Inner City came from. 
> 
> To anyone who found this fic interesting, most especially to those who left comments and kudos, thank you so much! And I will be very glad if you can check out my other fanfics too! :) 
> 
> PS  
> This Chapter (Chapter 11) is actually the Prologue of [The Rise of Zero](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4315710)


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